A few weeks ago my wife’s cat died. We buried her beside the house. My wife was very sad. I told her, “Don’t worry about Tabby. She is okay. I’m sure that she is in Purr… gatory.”
I am a proud proponent of the mighty pun. Puns brighten the lives of others. I believe that a good pun is its own re-word.
Furthermore, punsters are seen wise, witty, and whimsical. A force to be reckoned with.
Historically, powerful puns have compressed layers of meaning into fewer words.
At the signing of the Declaration of Independence, Benjamin Franklin said, “We must all hang together or assuredly we shall all hang separately.”
1) Kid Puns – Have you ever seen a horse fly?
Children like puns because it’s like playing a trick on someone. They expect one thing and something else appears. Often kids will give a straight answer to the setup question. So they are even more surprised by the funny switch.
What 2 things can you never eat for lunch? Breakfast and dinner.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
What do you give to a sick bird? Tweetment.
What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tuna piano but you can’t tuna fish.
What disappears as soon as you say its name? Silence.
2) Puns for Big Kids
How do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso
What do you call an empty can of Cheez Whiz? Cheese Was.
Present, Past and Future walk into a bar. It was tense.
3) Punny Observations
My get up and go got up and went.
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Sure I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime.
My dog can do magic tricks. She’s a Labra”kadabra”dor.
4) Special Puns for “Certifiable Pun-atics”
What does the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do? He lays awake at night wondering if 
there is really a dog.
Gandhi walked across the desert with little food and no oral hygiene products. At the end of his journey, he was a: super callused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis.
A Challenge – Just for the Pun of It
I challenge you to make the world a happier place.
I ask you to take 2 steps:
1) Pretend that life is funny and forever.
2) Keep a little notebook with you, to jot down new puns to share with others.
As an author, my final words are:
“When I am dead, I hope it may be said:
‘His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.’ ”
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directly from my subconscious or intuition or spirit. I treat these messages, or “gleams of light’ as Emerson says, as pure wisdom and I attempt to act upon as rapidly as possible. If I ignore it, I may miss a great opportunity. If I follow it, endless new doors of opportunity can open up to me.
things with them that they like to do. I often assist them when they work on their cars. I also help them to cut through the bureaucratic red tape of life.
without a clue. Now, at 22 years old, he still lives at home but he, not surprisingly, doesn’t like to obey the rules. Specifically, when his car is blocked in the driveway, he drives on the front yard to extricate himself. He also rarely washes dishes and his room is messy. He has crossed the fine line between being “independent” and being “lazy.”
guided missiles, unless I write them down. These are often important things to remember, such as, they are having surgery, taking a trip, or the names of brothers and sisters or spouses. I make a habit of writing down what people say, immediately after I speak to them (I always carry pen and paper in my pockets), then later I transfer that information for permanent storage in my Daily Journal.
As a substitute teacher, I always write down the names of teachers and other people I meet (janitors, teacher assistants, and staff) and record pertinent information about them. This is particularly useful when I return to a school after a long absence teaching in other schools. I can use my notes to refresh my memory of the names of people I will be working with again.
