Dr. Josh Axe, author of Eat Dirt, states the reason that most people have toxins leak from their gut into their blood supply, is because of stress. It’s compelling that the number one reason for having a leaky gut is not related to any diet or physical ailment, but rather to how we think!
Psychologist William James observed, “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” I don’t know if Abraham Lincoln had a leaky gut, but I do know that he chose his thoughts carefully.
Embrace Your Secret Identity
The key to success in allowing Abraham Lincoln to channel through you, is to be prepared. Imagine the things that will happen to you throughout the day and imagine plugging in your quips and anecdotes ahead of time. Just as Bruce Wayne could switch into his Batman persona, we can switch into our Abraham Lincoln persona when the occasion calls for it.
If you wait to respond on the spur of the moment, then it’s too late. The moment will pass you by, like a speeding train. Have your brain primed to respond, like a loaded gun, then just pull the trigger and fire your quip.
We can never control our circumstances random events that happen to us, but we can have complete control over our observations about the vicissitudes of life. Our quips and stories permit us to filter life’s challenges and to frame them in a way that we allow ourselves to be victorious over them. If we respond to adversity with a smile and an insightful remark, we can never be defeated.
I believe there are two lessons to be learned from emulating Abraham Lincoln:
1) We can accomplish anything if we assume the right personality. Just as if we wish to cross the ocean, we pick the strongest vessel which we know will get us through to our destination.
2) We don’t need to reinvent the wheel. By assuming the same character traits that worked for Lincoln, we too can become the leader, the entrepreneur, the teacher, or any other type of person that we aspire to be. We have the dream and Abraham Lincoln provides the means.
Put Life’s Experiences Under a Microscope
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “You must live in the present . . . find eternity in every moment.”
To really live in the present and find eternity in every moment, we have to truly focus on the things that happens to us each day. We must listen to each word we hear and parse each word we say. No matter what else is true, we know beyond all other truth that we only live in the present. (Except when we come “back from future,” as I will discuss in a later post.) If we don’t cherish what we have right now before us, we have nothing.
The beauty of following Lincoln’s system is that it literally allows us to capture the essence of every day. By anticipating what will happen and preplanning how we will respond to our experiences for that day, we are more likely to stay focused on living in the present. Later, when we evaluate how we performed at the end of each day, we discover the illumination and insight, “eureka moments” if you will, in our daily experiences.
Capture Lightning in a Bottle
Here’s where the power is. When you write it down, you double your experience. When you convert your experience into a story, you triple your experience, and it spreads in concentric circles to brighten the lives of countless others. The initial experience takes on a life of its own.
Upcoming Presentations:
Feb. 4, 2017. Competitive Edge Toastmasters. How To Be a Published Author. Hardesty Center 1100 S Alvernon Way, 8:00 am.
March 18, 2017. Tall Tales Speech Contest, Catalina Area 3, Toastmasters. Tucson Ward 2 Office, 7575 E. Speedway, Tucson, AZ.
October 20, 2018. How Abraham Lincoln Used Stories to Touch Hearts, Minds and Funny Bones. Prescott Valley Public Library (7401 E. Civic Circle), 1:00 – 2:00 pm.
“You, who are on the road, must have a code, that you can live by; And so become yourself, because the past is just a good bye.”
— Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
We all operate our lives by a “code of conduct,” yet we generally never put pen to paper and jot down our code. Our code operates behind the scenes, in our subconscious mind, guiding our every action.
The same held true with Abraham Lincoln, who never spoke of affirmations, or a code of conduct, but like our own, they were imprinted in the recesses of his mind.
In my attempt to distill the essence of who Lincoln was, I examined extensive observations of Lincoln by his family, friends, and acquaintances. From these “historical snapshots,” I unearthed the preeminent notions that rattled around inside of Lincoln’s head. The compass if you will, that directed him on his “hero’s journey,” all the way from his modest beginnings in rural Kentucky to the White House.
Here then, are the affirmations that Lincoln utilized in every situation, and with each person he met.
For each affirmation, I cite quotes from Lincoln’s contemporaries, or from Lincoln himself, to elucidate the idea.
Channel Your Inner Abe Lincoln
1) Always greet everyone, no matter what they look like
“He greeted me cordially as though we had known each other for a long time. There was no strangeness about him. He knew men on the instant.” William O. Stoddard, journalist.
“He approached, extended his hand, and gave mine a grasp such as only a warm-hearted man knows how to give.” New York journalist.
“Mr. Lincoln shook hands with me in his kindly way, and the direct simplicity and naturalness of his bearing were then and still remain the exact impression upon me of his daily manner. There was a natural courtesy and real interest shown toward me.” Charles Zane, law student
2) Be prepared with a “quip of the day”
“No matter how busy or how deeply engrossed in his work Me. Lincoln might be, whenever anyone came in he would greet him with a pleasant or humorous remark, and before he left would inevitably tell a joke or anecdote. Sometimes he told the same story to four or five different person.” John H. Littlefield, law clerk, Lincoln-Herndon Law office
“If a friend met or passed Lincoln (on the streets of Springfield), something would remind him of a story, and tell it he would.” William Herndon, Herndon’s Life of Lincoln
“In the midst of the most stirring and exciting — nay, death-giving — news, Mr. Lincoln has always a story to tell.” Adam Gurowski, State Department
“Mr. Lincoln’s wit and mirth will give him a passport to the thoughts and hearts of millions.” George Goutwell, Secretary of Treasury.
3) Employ an affable persona – be gentle, kind and courteous
“He was liked by every person who knew him. He made himself useful in every way that he could. If the water-bucket was empty he filled it; if wood was needed he chopped it; he was always cheerful and in a good humor.” Caleb Carman, New Salem resident
“Mr. Lincoln quickly gained the confidence of strangers, and, if they were much with him, their affection as well. I found myself strongly drawn to him from the first, and this feeling remains to me now. He had genuine kindness of heart.” Horace White, journalist
“There was such a blend of dignity and gentleness in his (Lincoln’s) voice and words, that there came a degree of relief to the tension of my first impression (of him).” Henry C. Bowen, editor of the New York Independent and organizer of Lincoln’s Cooper Union Speech (from Lincoln at Cooper Union by Harold Holzer).
4) Listen to friends, keep open communication channels
“The better part of one’s life consists of his friendships,” Lincoln letter to Joseph Gillespie, 1849.
“Wherever he moved he found men and women to respect and love him. One man who knew him at that time says that ‘Lincoln had nothing, only plenty of friends.’ ” Josiah G. Holland, author
5) Inner guidance – stay close to the “cave of the winds”
“The name of the man had come to stand for what he was. In the ‘cave of the winds’ where he saw history in the making he was far more a listener than a talker. The high adventure of great poets, inventors, explorers, facing the unknown and the unknowable, was in his face and breath, and had come to be known, to a few, for the danger and bronze of it.” Carl Sandburg, Abraham Lincoln
“In traveling on the circuit, he was in the habit of rising earlier than his brothers of the bar. On such occasions he was wont to sit by the fire, having uncovered the coals, and muse, and ponder, and soliloquized, inspired no doubt by that strange psychological influence which is so poetically described by Poe in ‘The Raven.’ ” Lawrence Weldon, lawyer
“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” Oscar Wilde
6) Note your own flaws, share them with others
“Self-deprecating humor came naturally to Lincoln; once after being called ‘two-faced,’ he quipped, ‘If I had two faces, why would I be wearing this one?’ ” Francis B. Carpenter, portrait painter, 1865
“While riding a train, I was once accosted … by a stranger, who said, ‘Excuse me, sir, but I have an article in my possession which rightfully belongs to you.’ ‘How is that?’ I asked, considerably astonished. The stranger took a jackknife from his pocket. ‘This knife,’ said he, ‘was placed in my hands some years ago with the injunction that I was to keep it until I found a man uglier than myself. I have carried it from that time to this. Allow me now to say, sir that I think you are fairly entitled to the property.’ ” Abraham Lincoln, as told to Francis B. Carpenter, portrait painter, 1865
7) Constantly improve – push the envelope of your comfort zone
“The way for a man to rise is to improve himself in every way he can.” Abraham
Lincoln
“Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.”
Abraham Lincoln
8) Offer to help others who cannot return the favor
Ab Trout, a poor barefooted boy, was chopping wood one cold winter day. Lincoln came up and asked what he got for the job, and what he would do for the money. Ab said, “One dollar” and pointing to his naked feet said, “A pair of shoes.” Abe told him to go in and warm up and he would chop a while for him. Lincoln finished the work, and told him to go buy the shoes. William Herndon, Herndon’s Informant’s
Lincoln defended the son of the widow Armstrong, in a murder case. Lincoln saved her boy from the gallows. The only possession she had in the world was 40 acres of land, which she offered to give to Lincoln as payment. “Aunt Hannah,” he said, “you took me in years ago when I was poor and homeless and you fed me and mended my clothes, and I shan’t charge you a cent now.” Andrew Carnegie, Lincoln – The Unknown
“Lincoln chopped wood for widows and orphans. When he saw travelers bogged down, he stopped to help them.” Michael Burlingame, Abraham Lincoln: A Life
9) Look for the big picture
“We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.” Abraham Lincoln.
“Let us have faith that right makes might, and in that faith, let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it.” Abraham Lincoln, Cooper Institute Address, 1860
“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.” Abraham Lincoln, 1854.
“Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.” Abraham Lincoln, Speech to 140th Indiana Volunteers, 1865
“As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy. Whatever differs from this, to the extent of the difference, is no democracy.” Abraham Lincoln, 1858
10) Nourish humor and tell stories, so people say, “I felt like I had known him my whole life and we had long been friends.”
“In ten minutes I felt as if I had known him all my life. He had the most wonderful faculty I have ever seen in a man to make one feel at ease.” Rufus Rockwell Wilson, Intimate Memories of Lincoln
“He talked in so simple and familiar a strain, and his manner and homely phrase were so absolutely free from any semblance of self-consciousness or pretension to superiority, that I soon felt as if I had known him all my life and we had long been close friends. He interspersed our conversation with all sorts of quaint stories, each of which had a witty point applicable to the subject in hand.” Carl Schurz, Union General
“From the first moment of my interview with him I seemed to myself to have been acquainted with him for years. For while he was among the most solid of men I ever met he was among the most transparent.” Frederick Douglass, author and orator.
“I really think that Mr. Lincoln’s propensity for story-telling has been exaggerated by his enemies. I had once the honor of conversing with him, or rather of hearing him converse, for several minutes, and in all that time he only told four little stories.” Sarah Jane Lippincott, author
Lincoln Affirmation Card
Upcoming Presentations:
November 30, 2016. “Uncommon Friendliness: Abraham Lincoln’s Miraculous Formula to Squeeze Every Drop of Inspiration and Illumination Out of Each Day.” Breadkfast Lions Club. Radisson Inn. Tucson, AZ.
A conference for new and aspiring grant writers who want to unlock the secrets to building winning grants! Attend educational sessions and network with other professionals in the grant writing and non-profit community. Participate in an afternoon Bootcamp experience designed to prepare you to write your next grant.
“Do I not destroy my enemies by making them my friends?” – Abraham Lincoln
Can you remember the last time someone made fun of you because of some physical characteristic that you had? None of us are immune. Aren’t we all too tall, too short, too fat, foo skinny, too young, or too old?
This type of comment seems funny to the critic, but it can sting the recipient.
How should we respond to this type of criticism?
Step 1) Look deep inside yourself and acknowledge the fact that, yes, you do have certain physical characteristics that make you distinct. (Maybe not as distinct as Quasimodo, but still distinct.)
Step 2) Use self-deprecating humor to deflect criticism.
There is great power in looking inside of ourselves, acknowledging who we really are, and in making fun of ourselves.
1) He was extremely tall and really thin. He stood six foot four inches tall and weighed only 170 pounds.
2) His face was so homely that it frightened small children and horses.
Yet, despite being called “string bean,” “scarecrow” and “gorilla,” Lincoln was bullet proof from this type of criticism because he was better and funnier at criticizing himself than were his enemies.
Lincoln was invited to speak to a conference of newspaper editors in Chicago, some of whom were his fiercest critics. To break the ice he told this story:
One day I was riding along a mountain trail on my horse.
From the other direction came a woman on her horse. She stopped her horse and looked at me.
“I do believe you are the ugliest man I have ever seen,” she said.
‘That may be true, madam, but there’s not much I can do about it,” I replied.
“No, perhaps not, but you might at least stay home.”
The audience of editors laughed with Lincoln instead of at him. Lincoln’s goal was not just to respond to criticism, but to allow people to see his plight and bring them into his circle of friends.
Who, Me? Too Skinny?
Just last week, two so-called “friends” of mine made fun of me for being too skinny.
“Terry you looked like a broom wearing glasses,” said one person.
“Terry it’s so windy today, I’d better tie a sting to you before you fly away,” said the second one.
Okay I get it, I’m skinny. I laughed but I felt a little tinge of pain in my heart.
As a child I always wanted to be strong and powerful like Hercules. I wished I could throw huge boulders at armies of men and single handedly defeat lions and bears. But, fate insisted that I have a DNA more like Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife. There is nothing I can do about that.
I thought about how Lincoln would have used this situation to convert enemies into friends, and I replied,
“In my defense, my doctor told me that I weigh the exact right amount for someone this awesome.”
My frenemies laughed with me instead of against me. Like Lincoln, I felt I had drawn them a little closer to my circle of friends.
A Deeper Perspective
How do we look at this from a deeper, philosophical view?
We could say, “Their dogma was to criticize me, but my karma allowed me to respond with humor.”
Metaphysically speaking, “my karma ran over their dogma.”
Upcoming Presentations/Events:
June 10th, 2016. Pascua Yaqui Youth Career Academy Job Fair. Tucson, AZ.
November, 2016. “Utilizing Stories to Touch Hearts, Minds and Funny Bones.” DowntownLions Club, Tucson, AZ.
In my presentation to the Moon Valley Women’s Club, at the Phoenix City Grille, I rattled on about the importance of viewing ourselves as being on a quest , or a “Hero’s Journey.”
Here is how W.H. Murray (in The Scottish Himalayan Expedition) famously related the benefits of his own Hero’s Journey:
The moment one definitely commits oneself,
Then Providence moves too.
All Sorts of things occur to help one
That would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
Raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen
Incidents and meetings and material assistance,
Which no man could have dreamt
Would have come his way.
My point is, we light a flame inside of ourselves when we begin to view our life as a Hero’s Journey. What’s more, we light the flame inside of others by converting our obstacles and challenges into stories of inspiration, motivation and humor.
Life as Tragedy
Of course, not everyone sees life as a quest. My friend Henry refers to himself a “serial entrepreneur” (code for “unemployed” or “unemployable”) and he sees life as more of a a tragedy. The other day he told me,
“You know Terry, ten years ago we had Steve Jobs. We had Bob Hope. We had Johnny Cash. Now, we have no jobs; we have no cash; and we have no hope.”
I am more optimistic than Henry is. My response to Henry is, “Martin Luther King never said ‘I have a complaint.’ ”
Disaster as Inspiration
I often relate my incident of being stuck overnight in the Phoenix airport after a flight cancelation, which turned into an extraordinary bonding experience with my two young boys (as related here).
Disaster/inspiration activity
One of the activities in my presentation is to have participants write down experiences in which disaster or tragedy has struck. Then, I ask them to write the story again, this time identifying how the disaster resulted in inspiration or humor, when viewed from the rear view mirror of life.
These heartfelt “tragedy to inspiration” stories can be quite poignant. For example:
1) A son who survived surgeries for a serious illness, now wants to study medicine and become a doctor;
2) Dropping out of college resulted in a once-in-a-lifetime career opportunity; and,
3) A divorce became the opportunity to start a new, more inspired, life.
Many a story has tingled my back or brought a tear to my eye.
It can inspire awe to look back on challenging incidents and realize how they fit into the bigger picture of life.
Upcoming Presentations/Events
June 10th, 2016. Pascua Yaqui Youth Career Academy Job Fair. Tucson, AZ.
June, 2016. Time & date TBD. “Utilizing Stories to Touch Hearts, Minds and Funny Bones.” Lions Club, Tucson, AZ.
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”
– R. Buckminster Fuller
Transformational Speaking
Gail Larsen, in her excellent book Transformational Speaking, implores us that if we wish to inspire people, we must tell a better story than the ones we told before. Her book shows us how to make our speeches more moving, inspiring, and effective by speaking from the heart. In essence, if you are not moved by what you say, others will not be moved either.
Virtue Is Its Own Reward
One story that came to mind as I read Transformational Speaking, was when my mother passed away, three years ago in May.
She was in and out of hospitals and rehabilitation clinics a lot at the end. It was a stressful time for both my mother and I. She often said, “My get up and go, got up and went.”
Yet, even in the midst of this hurricane, there were also peaceful moments when we could chat while sharing lunch or when putting a jigsaw puzzle together. I admired how she responded to the difficulties with a kind nature.
Funny Bone Working
However, my blood boiled when health care “professionals” treated her like an object rather than as a person. Even when people acted as though she were invisible, or worse, as though she was not “all there,” my mother never wavered in being thoughtful and accommodating.
One humorous incident that occurred in my mother’s hospital room. My mom was in her hospital bed and a lady walked into the room and stared intently into my mother’s eyes.
“Lois, how are you feeling? Why haven’t you called? We have all been worried sick about you.”
My mother and I both looked at her with blank expressions on our faces.
“Don’t you recognize me, It’s Bernice.”
“I don’t think I know you,” said Mom.
Bernice looked at me and said, “Tell her who I am.”
“I’ve never seen you before.”
Then, this perplexed (and perplexing) woman suddenly walked back out of the room.
“Quick, lock the door. She might come back,” Mom said.
Though most of her other body parts were worn out, Mom’s funny bone was still working like new.
The Lesson
I watched my mother’s courageous example of how to deal with:
1) the physical tribulation of her body wearing out; and
2) the mental antagonism from people who treated her like a “has been.”
I took note as she refused to let life’s indignations tarnish her heart. Instead, she just smiled, joked, and kept on doing the best she could.
When the time comes after “my get up and go got up and went,” I will follow her lead.
“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have.”
Upcoming Presentations:
April 9, 2016. “Storytelling and The Hero’s Journey.” Competitive Edge Toastmasters. Tucson, Arizona.
April 14, 2016, 12:30 to 1:30. “Use Stories to Touch Hearts, Minds & Funny Bones, Like Abraham LIncoln Did.” Moon Valley Women’s Club, Phoenix, Arizona.
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
– Joseph Campbell
The Hero’s Journey
In The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell describes the Hero’s Journey as a life-altering quest where, after passing through trials, the hero is transformed to a higher level of consciousness.
The stages of the journey are:
1) The “call.” The hero sets off on a quest.
2) The journey into unknown territory.
3) The supreme ordeal. As Campbell puts it, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
4) Sharing the wisdom gained.
Being on a Hero’s Journey enhances the hero’s perception. They feel like unseen forces are intervening to protect and guide them. The hero has a sense that everything happens for a reason.
The Hero’s Journey of Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln was on a Hero’s Journey in his life long quest to become president. In Lincoln’s case, his Hero’s Journey made him aware of the lessons and stories in every day experiences. Life had meaning and seemingly random incidents held significance. He could draw out the deeper gist that existed just below the surface of most people’s perception.
Clip 1:
Clip 2:
Grasping “The Big Picture”
Several years ago, when I worked in Honduras, I came across two stonecutters.
“What are you doing?” I asked the first stonecutter.
“Squaring the stone,” the man replied.
“What are you doing?” I asked the second stonecutter.
“I am building a cathedral,” the man replied.
Okay. The second guy was a little presumptuous, but he still gets points for seeing the big picture.
Your Hero’s Journey
I believe that we are all on a Hero’s Journey, and like Lincoln, we are endowed with the ability to discern the profound stories and parables that unfold before our eyes every day. We have only to be prepared to see them.
Convert Affliction to Anecdote (Activity)
Put yourself in the right perspective to capture the stories of your daily life.
Write down the significant bad things that have happened to you in life. Then, as bad and unfair as these incidents might have seemed at the time, identify some lessons you learned from them, or how you became a better person as a result.
Here are some examples (based on personal experience):
1) How missing a flight and having to spend the night in a strange city with your kids became a treasured memory.
2) How an illness indicated you that you needed to make changes in your unhealthy life style.
3) How being replaced by a chimpanzee at your job led you down the challenging path to work that was closer to your heart.
4). How you looked deep inside yourself for the fortitude to bounce back from a dismal failure.
Are the catastrophes of life bad, or is life just trying to teach us a lesson?
The Hero’s Perspective: Change Your Unholy Mess to Unparalleled Metaphor
You show me someone who is on a Hero’s Journey and I’ll show you a resilient, unflinching individual who converts life’s challenges into stories of inspiration, strength and humor.
To paraphrase author Norman Maclean, from A River Runs Through It,
“In the end, all our failures and successes merge into one, and a story runs through it.”
Upcoming Presentations:
March 21, 2016, 7:00 am. “Finding Stories in Your Hero’s Journey.” Aztec Toastmasters. Tucson, Arizona.
April 9, 2016. “Storytelling and The Hero’s Journey.” Cometitive Edge Toastmasters. Tucson, Arizona.
April 14, 2016, 12:30 to 1:30. “Use Stories to Touch Hearts, Minds & Funny Bones, Like Abraham LIncoln Did.” Moon Valley Women’s Club, Phoenix, Arizona.
When I got him out he was near froze solid and shivering. He was shaking so hard that I wasted half a glass of whiskey trying to aim it for his mouth. Must have got enough of it into him, though, since it did seem to bring him back to life.
— Abraham Lincoln, on what it took to save his dog after pulling him from a river where he went through thin ice
Last Wednesday I spoke to the Kindergarten class at St. Cyril’s School.
The class was studying Abraham Lincoln and as an author of a book about our 16th president, I was honored with an invitation to speak to the class.
I was amazed at how much these young Einsteins knew about Mr. Lincoln. The regaled me with facts about his life that even I didn’t know. I shared a few stories with them.
What seemed of most interest to the students was information on:
1) Lincoln’s pets.
a) Abe Lincoln’s beloved dog “Fido,” was Lincoln’s constant companion as he walked the streets of Springfield. Fido had to be left behind with friends when the Lincoln family moved to the White House. Lincoln feared that his faithful friend could not survive the trip.
Lincoln on “Old Bob”
b) “Old Bob,” Lincoln’s horse that he rode as President in Washington, D.C. When Lincoln died, “Old Bob” pulled the wagon carrying his master’s coffin through the funeral procession.
William “Willie” Lincoln
2) Lincoln’s children – Eddie, Willie, Tad and Robert.
Eddie died of tuberculosis in Springfield, Illinois, in 1850, at age 4.
Willie died of typhoid fever in Washington, D.C., in 1862, at age 11.
Tad died of tuberculosis in Chicago, in 1871, at age 18.
Only Robert lived into adulthood. He became a lawyer and served as Secretary of
Thomas “Tad” Lincoln
War, Ambassador to England, and was often mentioned by the Republican Party as a potential candidate for President.
However, Robert never aspired to be President. He died in Manchester, Vermont, in 1926 at age 82.
Speaking to the Kindergarten class was a great thrill for me. Their love of learning about Abraham Lincoln rejuvenated my faith in the next generation.
Robert Todd Lincoln
Class photos:
Upcoming Presentations:
March 21, 2016, 7:00 am. “Finding Stories in Your Hero’s Journey.” Aztec Toastmasters. Tucson, Arizona.
April 9, 2016. “Storytelling and The Hero’s Journey.” Cometitive Edge Toastmasters. Tucson, Arizona.
April 14, 2016, 12:30 to 1:30. “Use Stories to Touch Hearts, Minds & Funny Bones, Like Abraham LIncoln Did.” Moon Valley Women’s Club, Phoenix, Arizona.
Two days before Christmas, the sewer backed up in my house.
My brother suggested that I try Roto-Rooter (slogan: We’re #1 in the number 2 business!). They charged him $65 to clean out his clogged sewer pipe. My regular plumber charges $95.
I gave Roto-Rooter a call.
“Helloooo, this is Roto-Rooter, Susan speaking.”
“Hi Susan, my name is Terry, I have a backed up sewer and need it cleaned out. I understand that you charge $65.”
Several seconds passed with no response.
“Hello,” I said.
“Yes, well we don’t have a $65 service. That might be Rapid Rooter. I can send a plumber over to give you a free estimate.”
A red flag started waving in my mind.
I thought, I’ll let them do the free estimate. How much could a simple job like this cost?
“Okay,” I said, “send him over for a free estimate.”
“How will you be paying for the service, by credit card, check or cash?”
Another red flag went up.
“Credit card,” I replied.
The plumber arrives in an official red, white and blue Roto-Rooter truck.
He said, “Hi I’m Frank,” as he smiled and shook my hand.
We exchanged pleasantries then he quickly inspected my sewer setup.
Today is your lucky day!
“I can clean out your main sewer drain for only $225.”
“That sounds a little high. It’s only a 10 minute job.”
“The $225 is actually a Christmas present we are giving to our customers. We normally charge $300.”
“Really? I’d call that more of a Christmas present that Roto-Rooter is giving to itself, at the expense of its customers.”
“Would you rather have sewer water in your house?”
“No, I’d rather call someone else who will charge a fair price.”
“Okay. Have a good day,” He said, but he was probably thinking,
There are plenty of other easy marks willing to pay the Christmas ‘special’ price.
I called my regular plumber and paid the $95 to have the sewer pipe cleaned.
I wondered how many other innocent victims fell for this Grinch-like mumbo jumbo.
Your Car Will Crash and Burn!
This Roto-Rooter ploy reminded the cross-country trip my family took when I was 10 years old.
The engine in our 1964 Chevy Station Wagon started making a funny noise near Wichita, Kansas. My father stopped at a garage to have it checked out.
After a twenty minute wait, a greasy mechanic, with the nametag “Bob,” came out. He said,
“You need to replace the thermostat and you need a balancing rod.”
My dad replied, “Just replace the thermostat, Bob.”
“I highly recommend a new balancing rod. I wouldn’t drive this car another mile without it.”
“No thanks.”
After the mechanic left, I said, “Dad, I’m worried, it sounds like we really need that balancing rod.”
“We’ll be okay.”
While waiting for our car, I heard the same mechanic tell another customer, “Your car needs a new balancing rod. I would be afraid drive that car without it.”
I was stunned. A mechanic would actually lie to someone about his car?
The Lesson
The next time I smell a rat like Frank or Bob, I will avoid that business the same way I avoid clichés – like the plague!
Authors note:
These stories are my attempt to glean insights from the seemingly mundane incidents that occur in every day life. My plan is to capture these “eureka moments” and squeeze all the illumination and inspiration from them, before they can slip through my fingers.
Like the storytelling of Abraham Lincoln, I think one’s own personal stories can transform both the listener and the speaker.
Upcoming Presentations:
February 17, 2016, 1:30 pm. “Life of Abraham Lincoln.” St Cyril School , Tucson, Arizona.
March 21, 2016, 7:00 am. “Finding Stories in Your Hero’s Journey.” Aztec Toastmasters. Tucson, Arizona.
April 9, 2016. “Storytelling and The Hero’s Journey.” Cometitive Edge Toastmasters. Tucson, Arizona.
April 14, 2016, 12:30 to 1:30. “Use Stories to Touch Hearts, Minds & Funny Bones, Like Abraham LIncoln Did.” Moon Valley Women’s Club, Phoenix, Arizona.
“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”
— Abraham Lincoln
The Hot Chocolate Caper
Upon clocking in at school yesterday, Diane, the office manager said,
“Hi Terry, I made hot chocolate for all the teachers. Please help yourself to some.”
“Thanks. I’ll get some a little later.” My hands were full, but I had to bring my class to the library later and I planned to get my cup of hot chocolate then.
At 9:30, as my students worked on the library computers, I slipped out, grabbed a cup of hot chocolate in the office and took it back to the library with me.
I took a sip out of my cup.
Yuck! This tastes like hot brown dishwater!
“What do you think about this so-called hot chocolate?” I asked the librarian.
“It’s ghastly. I wouldn’t touch it with a 10-foot barge pole,” she replied.
Then, the librarian left to run some errands.
Since there was no sink in the library, I set the vile concoction inside of a trash can in front of librarian’s desk. There was a plastic bag lining the trash can.
A few minutes later, a couple of other teachers wandered into the library and started chatting.
One of the teachers looked in the trash can.
“Oh my God, someone put a full cup of hot chocolate in the trash can,” she gasped loudly.
My face flushed.
I opened my mouth to admit to my crime, but before I could say a word, the teacher reached into the trash can and removed the cup of hot chocolate.
“This is unacceptable. Who would do such a thing?” she asked with a frown.
It was too late to confess. From the tone of her voice, I realized that the teacher would not be happy until someone did jail time for this heinous crime.
I turned and walked to the other side of the library.
I’ll get you, my pretty!
I was ready for the teacher to look me in the eye and ask in a creaky witch-like voice, “What do you know about this?”
Fortunately, she didn’t ask that question and I soon took my students out of the library and back to safety of the classroom.
I felt guilty for not coming forward with the truth, but I was in a Kobayashi Maru (no win) scenario that would baffle even Captain James T. Kirk.
……………………..Uncle!!!…………………………..
I now think that teacher is out to get me, waiting for me to slip up. As I pass down the hallways of school, even if I don’t see her, my back tingles as I feel her evil gaze upon me.
The Lesson
As every politicians knows, the cover up is always worse than the crime. Next time, I will just confess to my error and let the chips fall where they may.
Authors note:
These stories are my attempt to glean insights from the seemingly mundane incidents that occur in every day life. My plan is to capture these “eureka moments” and squeeze all the illumination and inspiration from them, before they can slip through my fingers.
Like the storytelling of Abraham Lincoln, I think one’s own personal stories can transform both the listener and the speaker.
My wife and I sent a money gram from Wells Fargo to a relative. Sounds easy as pie, right?
Unfortunately, the relative was not able to collect the money because their name had been typed incorrectly.
We went back to Wells Fargo the next day and asked the teller for help. The teller walked over to talk to the manager. She came back to her window and told us,
“I’m sorry, we can’t help you.”
You Are Traveling Through Another Dimension
“What do you mean you can’t help us? Are we in the Twilight Zone? You got us into this mess.”
She stared at me like she didn’t know what I was talking about.
“You know, the old TV show with Rod Serling.”
She continued to stare without blinking.
“A spooky show where strange things happen . . . never mind.”
The teller said,
“I do apologize. After we send the money gram, we don’t have anything else to do with it. You will have to call this 800 number.”
She solemnly handed me a paper with an 800 number on it and began to tidy up here teller area, indicating the conversation was over.
We’ll get home and this phone number will only give us the runaround. They should just call the 800 number for us, while we’re here, I thought.
Unfortunately, I didn’t say it out loud.
Of course, we went home and called the 800 number and there was nothing on the menu related to money grams. What’s worse, it was impossible to speak to a human being.
Our Dander is Raised
The following day we marched back into Wells Fargo, ready to give someone a piece of our mind.
This time, a different crew was working there. The teller passed us on to a personal banker. She introduced herself.
“Hi, my name is Shirley Atkins. How may I assist you?”
“Well, we came yesterday to fix a spelling problem on our money gram. The clerk told us to call this 800 number, which we did, but we hit a brick wall.”
“Please have a seat. Let me give it a try.” Our indignation started to melt away.
She called the 800 number.
“How frustrating,” she said. “It’s impossible to talk to anyone. Let me try some other number.”
While she dialed phone numbers, Shirley also engaged us in light chit-chat.
“What type of jobs do you have?” she asked.
“We are teachers,” my wife responded. “How long have you worked here?’
“Only one week,” Shirley said.
Aha, I thought. Maybe that’s why she is so good. She hasn’t worked here long enough to become contaminated.
After about 10 minutes of pleasant conversation, interspersed with Shirley talking to people on the phone, she had resolved our problem.
The question ran through my mind,
How is it that Shirley was such a good employee, and the other employees were so bad? Were the others just part of an android experiment gone horribly wrong?
The truth may never be completely known, but I do kn0w that if we hadn’t been persistent we would never have resolved our problem.
An Earlier Pivotal Moment
I was reminded of a similar incident that took place when I was student at Colorado State University.
I was terrified of public speaking, but I was required to take a speech class. In spite of my enormous anxiety, I managed to make all of the speeches. Granted, I was as nervous as Don Knotts, but the content was good, and almost all of my speeches received a grade of “B.”
At the end of the quarter, I was shocked to find that I received a “C” on my report card for Speech.
This must be a mistake! I know I did better than that.
However, I was so introverted that the idea of confronting the teacher mortified me. For years afterwards, I had headaches when I thought about that incident.
Ironically, I could have applied the public speaking skills I had learned in class, but at that time I just couldn’t muster the courage to do it.
The Lesson
As time passed, that one incident has motivated me to stand up for my rights. The pain of that memory transformed into a source of strength.
Authors note:
These stories are my attempt to glean insights from the seemingly mundane incidents that occur in every day life. My plan is to capture these “eureka moments” and squeeze all the illumination and inspiration from them, before they can slip through my fingers.
Like the storytelling of Abraham Lincoln, I think one’s own personal stories can transform both the listener and the speaker.
———
Upcoming Presentation
Dec. 15, 2015, 12:40 to 1:00 pm. “How Abe Lincoln Used Stories and Humor.” Old Pueblo Rotary Club. Hotel Tucson. Tucson, Arizona.
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prepared. Imagine the things that will happen to you throughout the day and imagine plugging in your quips and anecdotes ahead of time. Just as Bruce Wayne could switch into his Batman persona, we can switch into our Abraham Lincoln persona when the occasion calls for it.
the present. Later, when we evaluate how we performed at the end of each day, we discover the illumination and insight, “eureka moments” if you will, in our daily experiences.
was no strangeness about him. He knew men on the instant.” William O. Stoddard, journalist.
that he could. If the water-bucket was empty he filled it; if wood was needed he chopped it; he was always cheerful and in a good humor.” Caleb Carman, New Salem resident
came up and asked what he got for the job, and what he would do for the money. Ab said, “One dollar” and pointing to his naked feet said, “A pair of shoes.” Abe told him to go in and warm up and he would chop a while for him. Lincoln finished the work, and told him to go buy the shoes. William Herndon, Herndon’s Informant’s
certain physical characteristics that make you distinct. (Maybe not as distinct as Quasimodo, but still distinct.)
As a child I always wanted to be strong and powerful like Hercules. I wished I could throw huge boulders at armies of men and single handedly defeat lions and bears. But, fate insisted that I have a DNA more like Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife. There is nothing I can do about that.
Metaphor
