I will be participating as one of the speakers.
To register, click here:
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Click here for the list of talks: https://lnkd.in/gPz4cf3q
I will be participating as one of the speakers.
To register, click here:
https://lnkd.in/g-JBnCwN
Click here for the list of talks: https://lnkd.in/gPz4cf3q
A few weeks ago my wife’s cat died. We buried her beside the house. My wife was very sad. I told her, “Don’t worry about Tabby. She is okay. I’m sure that she is in Purr… gatory.”
I am a proud proponent of the mighty pun. Puns brighten the lives of others. I believe that a good pun is its own re-word.
Furthermore, punsters are seen wise, witty, and whimsical. A force to be reckoned with.
Historically, powerful puns have compressed layers of meaning into fewer words.
At the signing of the Declaration of Independence, Benjamin Franklin said, “We must all hang together or assuredly we shall all hang separately.”
1) Kid Puns – Have you ever seen a horse fly?
Children like puns because it’s like playing a trick on someone. They expect one thing and something else appears. Often kids will give a straight answer to the setup question. So they are even more surprised by the funny switch.
What 2 things can you never eat for lunch? Breakfast and dinner.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
What do you give to a sick bird? Tweetment.
What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tuna piano but you can’t tuna fish.
What disappears as soon as you say its name? Silence.
2) Puns for Big Kids
How do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso
What do you call an empty can of Cheez Whiz? Cheese Was.
Present, Past and Future walk into a bar. It was tense.
3) Punny Observations
My get up and go got up and went.
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Sure I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime.
My dog can do magic tricks. She’s a Labra”kadabra”dor.
4) Special Puns for “Certifiable Pun-atics”
What does the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do? He lays awake at night wondering if there is really a dog.
Gandhi walked across the desert with little food and no oral hygiene products. At the end of his journey, he was a: super callused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis.
A Challenge – Just for the Pun of It
I challenge you to make the world a happier place.
I ask you to take 2 steps:
1) Pretend that life is funny and forever.
2) Keep a little notebook with you, to jot down new puns to share with others.
As an author, my final words are:
“When I am dead, I hope it may be said:
‘His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.’ ”
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“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.” Abraham Lincoln, 1854.
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In 1849, after serving one term as a US Congressman, and with no political prospects, it looked like Lincoln would be relegated to the dust bin of history. He resigned himself to the life of a travelling lawyer (a circuit rider). Although he was extremely good at his job, he probably felt despair that his desire for a life in politics was beyond his reach.
In 1854, Lincoln’s life changed dramatically. Under the guidance of his long-time rival,Senator Stephan Douglas, Congress passed the Kansas-Nebraska Act, a law which repealed the Missouri Compromise of 1820, and changed the way that slavery was dealt with in the United States. Under the Missouri Compromise, slavery was essentially bottled up and restricted to the 13 southern states.
The Kansas-Nebraska Act allowed slavery to expand into the new territories of Kansas and Nebraska, as well as to any other state, based on a majority vote. Lincoln, and other residents of northern states, were outraged that the evil of slavery could now spread like cancer to other states.
Lincoln was awakened like a sleeping giant. To stop this injustice became Lincoln’s all consuming passion.
“The passage of the bill roused me as never before,” said Lincoln (Letter to Joshua Speed, 1855).
A carefully crafted speech delivered in New York City, in 1860, propelled Lincoln onto the national stage like a hurricane, and established him as a credible Republican candidate for the presidency.
What awakens the sleeping giant in you?
If you can tie your deepest feelings to the thing that you do with your life, then you are following in Lincoln’s footsteps, and your life has true meaning.
My Path
Deep inside, I knew that I was more than just someone doomed to spend my life working an 8:00 to 5:00 job. I felt I had untapped skills and potential to write books and to be a public speaker. I started writing books in 2007, in my spare time, while working my regular job. My big opportunity came when I was laid off from my job, in 2010, and I was able to channel my energies into a writing and speaking career.
Focusing on Abraham Lincoln was an easy choice for me. He had long been a hero for me. As a Peace Corps Volunteer in Honduras in 1987, I read Carl Sandberg’s epic book, “Abraham Lincoln.” It was the greatest book I had ever read about the greatest man who had ever lived. It awakened in me the desire to both, become a writer, and to draw closer to Lincoln.
A “Lincoln-ized” Life
I am a short, skinny, balding, hair color enhanced 63-year-old former Peace Corps Volunteer. Abraham Lincoln is a human quote factory. Everything he said is either inspirational, insightful, or funny. Connecting with Abraham Lincoln is the best thing that ever happened to me.
When a radio host asked singer Don McLean, “What is the meaning of your song American Pie?” He replied, “It means that I never have to work again.”
In my case, linking my life with Abraham Lincoln does not mean that I never work again. However, my job is doing what I love most, to help individuals to “Lincoln-ize” their existence. I exhort others to fuse their spirit to that of Lincoln, and in so doing, to live a life filled with passion and purpose.
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RECENTLY RELEASED . . .
The Keys to Success II: The Best is Yet to Come
“Lincoln chopped wood for widows and orphans. When he saw travelers bogged down, he stopped to help them.” Michael Burlingame, Abraham Lincoln: A Life
“Ab Trout, a poor barefooted boy, was chopping wood one cold winter day. Lincoln came up and asked what he got for the job, and what he would do for the money. Ab said, ‘One dollar’ and pointing to his naked feet said, ‘A pair of shoes.’ Abe told him to go in and warm up and he would chop a while for him. Lincoln finished the work, and told him to go buy the shoes.” William Herndon, Herndon’s Informant’s
“Lincoln defended the son of the widow Armstrong, in a murder case. Lincoln saved her boy from the gallows. The only possession she had in the world was 40 acres of land, which she offered to give to Lincoln as payment. ‘Aunt Hannah,’ he said, ‘you took me in years ago when I was poor and homeless and you fed me and mended my clothes, and I shan’t charge you a cent now’.” Andrew Carnegie, Lincoln – The Unknown
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Phil made me feel exceedingly comfortable when I first joined Toastmasters. I felt a little awkward at the meetings because I didn’t know anyone. But Phil, a longtime member, took care of that. He was always one of the first persons in the meeting room and every time I would walk in, he loudly announce, “Here’s the professor. How are things going at the university?” It made me feel exceptionally welcome, and put me at ease, even though I was not a professor, but merely a researcher, at the university. Nonetheless, I gracefully accepted the comical promotion that Phil gave to me.
Fast forward five years. Phil falls down and breaks his leg. He goes through surgery and spends weeks in rehab. I visit him virtually every day at the rehabilitation clinic. We wile away the hours chatting, playing checkers and putting puzzles together. Phil, still at the top of his game, at 95 years old, in short order makes friends with the staff and other patients.
Mental note to self: There’s a lot to learn from Phil.
My Sworn Enemy – The Thorny Bush
One of my worst enemies is a thorny bush that blocks a sidewalk which students use
to walk to a high school near my house.
I’m pretty sure that it is possessed by the devil. If not cut, branches with huge thorns grow through a fence and force students to walk around it or risk cuts to their arms and legs. It’s even more dangerous at night because you can’t see the branches.
Twice a year, wearing a long sleeve shirt and leather gloves, I fight back against the devil brush branches, like Janette Scott in The Day of the Triffids. I cut the branches and carefully load the large branches into the bed of my truck. The thorns can go right through my gloves, and haul them to a large trash can in the alley behind my house. The last time I did it, I accidently stepped on one of the branches and a thorn pierced through the sole of my shoe and into my foot. Yikes!
I chalk it up as a war injury in my never-ending battle with the sinister thorn bush.
The Lone Ranger
I often do house repairs for neighbors and friends who need help. I’m pretty good at it since I often repair my rental houses. Just last week, Cynthia, an older friend and former neighbor, who had just returned from mouth surgery, called and said,
“Terry, my toilet is leaking. Can you take a look at it?”
“Sure, I’ll be right over.”
I grabbed my tool box, stopped by Ace hardware to buy a toilet repair kit, and drove over to Cynthia’s house.
I ring the doorbell.
“Hi Terry. Thanks for coming.”
“You’re welcome. How’s your mouth feeling?”
“Okay, but sore. I still can’t speak too clearly yet.”
“Did you just say, ‘Okay you bore. I steal cans of peak to clean ear pets?”
“No.”
“Sorry. I was just rattling your cage. Show me where the leak is.”
She leads me to the bathroom.
As I suspected, the fill valve was broken and leaking. I replaced the valve and the flange too, for good measure. It worked like new.
“Can I pay you something?”
“No thanks. I’m the Lone Ranger. Justice is the only reward I desire. If you need anything else, give me a call.”
“Okay. You helped me a lot. Thanks kemo sabe.”
I gallantly drive away with music from the William Tell Overture playing on my cd player. I feel as pleased as punch.
I often get so wrapped up in my own life that I can’t see that other people have problems too. Imagine that! Even a minimal effort on our part to help someone, can have a huge impact on another person’s life.
Love Completely Without Complete Understanding
Sometimes it’s not readily apparent how to help others, yet we can still act.
Like when my mom was near the end of her life. I feel I could have done better, but at least I always tried to be at her side when she needed me the most.
As Norman Maclean said in A River Runs Through It and Other Stories,
“Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, but what, if anything, is needed? Either we don’t know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. But we can still love them – we can love completely without complete understanding.”
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“The way for a man to rise, is to improve himself in every way he can.” Abraham Lincoln
“Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” Abraham Lincoln
“Say “‘yes,’ because you never know what an opportunity, no wonder how odd, might bring. ‘No’ closes doors. ‘Yes’ kicks them wide open.” William Shatner, Shatner Rules
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Always say “yes” to every opportunity, regardless of how preposterous it may seem. Saying “yes’ always leads to new connections and adventures. New doors fly open. New people are met. New ideas are discovered.
Abe says “Yes”
I believe there were two early incidents in Lincoln’s early life, where he said “yes” to
opportunity that set the course for his life. These decisions enabled him to learn to adapt to the vicissitudes of life and to fearlessly push the envelope of his comfort zone.
1) At the age of 19, Lincoln said “yes,” when asked to take a raft full of goods down the Mississippi to be sold in New Orleans. This was the first and longest trip that Lincoln had ever taken. From his experience operating the boat through obstacles, selling merchandise, and fighting off thieves, he developed a strong sense of self-reliance (Herndon and Weik, Life of Lincoln).
2) Lincoln said “yes” when presented with the opportunity to study law. In learning to defend clients in court, he developed the mental strength, to match the physical skills that he possessed.
“Yes” to Peace Corps
I said ‘yes’ in 1985, and became a Peace Corps Volunteer in Honduras. I quickly learned to adapt to change, especially the first time I felt army ants crawling up my pajama legs. Honduras had its ups and downs. I embraced my teaching job with passion, loved my students, and my experience working in Honduras opened up doors for me later for even more interesting work in other Latin American countries. It even inspired me to write my first book.
“Yes” to Marriage
As an older college student, I said “yes’ to a summer internship at an agricultural research station in central Mexico. At 37 years old, I thought I was the kind of guy who would never get married. I was nervous around women. I thought my ears were too big. But one day, I asked a Mexican secretary for some directions. I mustered up the courage to introduce myself, I said, “Hi. I’m Terry Sprouse and these are my ears.” Unlike me, she was an exceptional conversationalist. A year later, we both said “yes” to matrimony, and embarked on a thrilling adventure together.
“Yes” to Toastmasters
Saying ‘yes’ to join Toastmasters super charged my aspirations to be a writer and speaker. I have published 5 books, each one based on speeches that I gave at Toastmasters meetings and the invaluable feedback that I received from fellow Toastmasters.
Captain Kirk Connects the Dots
To quote William Shatner, the venerable Captain of the Starship Enterprise,
I nearly always say “yes.”
“Yes” makes the dots in your life appear. And if you’re willing and open, you can
connect these dots. You don’t know where these dots are going to lead, and if you don’t invest yourself fully, the dots don’t won’t connect. The lines you make with these dots always lead to interesting places. (Shatner Rules, 2011.)
Phoenix or Bust
Just a few weeks ago, my wife wanted to go to Phoenix to hear the Mexican female band, Flans. The performance was
scheduled for Saturday at 8:00 pm. I generally don’t like sprawling cities like Phoenix, much less at night. Phoenix is congested, polluted and crime infested, just like in the movie Blade Runner, at least in my own caffeinated mind. I felt queasy about going to Phoenix.
“I have decided, in my infinite wisdom, to go with you to the concert,.” I said to Angy.
“That’s great, O self-inflated one. Bring ear plugs and steel-tipped shoes, because I’ll be doing a lot of screaming and jumping up and down,” she said.
“And I will be the one sitting, quiet as a mouse, next to you, emitting positive
vibrations,” I said.
Even though it was outside my comfort zone, I went. And guess what? My ears are still ringing.
Yet, I met some extremely interesting people, I never ever would have met otherwise. I even met an old Peace Corps friend, and most importantly my wife was happier than a tornado in a toupee factory.
I said “yes,” and the dots connected.
Is it just me, or is someone’s phone ringing?
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“Self-deprecating humor came naturally to Lincoln. Once, after being called ‘two-faced’ by another politician, he responded, ‘If I had two faces, why would I be wearing this one?’ ” Francis B. Carpenter, portrait painter of Lincoln.
Did I ever tell you the joke the Chicago newsboys had on me? Replying negatively, he related: A short time before my nomination I was at Chicago attending a lawsuit. A photographer of that city asked me to sit for a picture, and I did so. This coarse, rough hair of mine was in a particularly bad tousle at the time, and the picture presented me in all its fright.
After my nomination, this being about the only picture of me there was, copies were struck to show those who had never seen me how I looked. The newsboys carried them around to sell, and had for their cry, “Here’s yer Old Abe; he’ll look better when he gets his hair combed.” Story told by Lincoln to Albert P. Chandler, Assistant Secretary of War.
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Acknowledge Your Flaws
Can you remember the last time someone made fun of you because of some physical characteristic that you had? None of us are immune. Aren’t we all too tall, too short, too fat, foo skinny, too young, or too old?
This type of comment seems funny to the critic, but it can sting the recipient.
Here is Lincoln’s two-step response for this type of criticism.
Step 1) Look deep inside yourself and acknowledge the fact that, yes, you do have certain physical characteristics that make you distinct. Maybe not as distinct as Quasimodo, but it’s something that catches the eye.
Step 2) Use self-deprecating humor to deflect criticism.
There is great power in looking inside of ourselves, acknowledging who we really are, and in making fun of ourselves.
Abraham Lincoln had a target on his back because he had two unique traits.
1) He was very tall and extremely thin. He stood six foot four inches tall and weighed only 170 pounds.
2) His face was so homely that it could frighten and intimidate others.
Yet, despite being called string bean, scarecrow and gorilla, Lincoln was bullet proof from this type of criticism because he was better and funnier at criticizing himself than were his adversaries.
A Story to Break the Ice
Lincoln was invited to speak to a conference of newspaper editors in Chicago, some of whom were his fiercest critics. To break the ice he told this story:
One day I was riding along a mountain trail on my horse.
From the other direction came a woman on her horse. She stopped her horse and looked at me.
“I do believe you are the ugliest man I have ever seen,” she said.
‘That may be true, madam, but there’s not much I can do about it,” I replied.
“No, perhaps not, but you might at least stay home.”
The audience of editors laughed with Lincoln instead of at him. Lincoln’s goal was not just to respond to criticism, but to show that he was a big enough man to laugh at himself, and in the process, disarm his critics and often win their friendship.
“Do I not destroy my enemies by making them my friends?” Lincoln once observed.
Responding to Frenemies
Recently, two so-called “friends” of mine made fun of me for being too skinny.
“Terry you looked like a broom wearing glasses,” said one person.
I LOOK LIKE WHO?
“Terry it’s so windy today, I’d better tie a sting to you before you fly away,” said the second one. Apparently no ‘funny’ criticism is too ancient to use.
Okay, I get it. I’m skinny. I used to be defensive about it, but over time I have come to see these comments as an opportunity to convert “frenemies” into friends, and I developed this reply,
“In my defense, my doctor told me that I weigh the exact right amount for someone this awesome.”
Another time, I was a substitute teacher at a school when one student said to another student,
“I’m working with the old guy.”
After glancing around the room and finding no one older looking than myself, I thought,
“He must be talking about me!”
The remark caught me off guard, but it also motivated to come up with a Lincoln-esque response. After some internet research, my new response to ‘old guy’ comments is,
“There is still no cure for the common birthday,” to quote John Glenn.
A Complete Inventory of My Flaws
Some other flaws that I proudly possess, beyond being rail thin, are: my industrial sized ears; I drink a lot of iced tea (I go through iced tea faster than most women go through cotton balls); one of my eyes looks slightly larger than the other (great to give someone the “evil eye” or to impersonate Jack Elam); and, my hair is disappearing faster than a toupee in a hurricane. My only hope for fame may be a possible spot at Ripley’s Believe it or Not Museum.
When we acknowledge our flaws in humorous ways, it makes it easier for others to relate to us. It indicates that we have a light heart and a humorous outlook on life, and we become someone that other people like to be around. It’s like changing the friendship ‘stop light’ from red to green.
Upcoming Pesentations:
NEW BOOK COMIMG SOON!!!
“My IQ is one of the highest — and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault.” — Donald Trump
No matter what the obstacle, Donald Trump never gets off message – “I am the best candidate for president,” he says, with the insinuation that “anyone who questions me is an idiot.”
Minor details such as his apparent fabrications of the truth, insults hurled at opponents and journalists, contradictions of earlier positions he took, don’t bother him in the least. Because Mr. Trump radiates such self-assurance, we are inclined to believe him and overlook his seemingly half-baked statements.
We may choose to respond to setbacks like Donald Trump and bombastically claim we have been unfairly treated and misunderstood.
For most of us, however, misfortune gives us pause for thought. Contrary to Mr. Trump, we may respond to setbacks with a sigh and a smile. We could take the attitude that we may have lost a battle, but at least we come away with our self- respect intact and maybe we learned something along the way.
The Rental Car Epiphany
Last week I rented a car to take my wife and two boys to Los Angeles over the Thanksgiving break. As we drove out of my driveway, I discovered that the car had no cruise control. I decided to exchange to car for one with cruise control. While waiting at the counter I heard a commotion at another car company at the other end of the room.
A customer was yelling at the two desk attendants.
“I already told him!” I heard the man scream while flailing his arms at one of the attendants.
I couldn’t hear all that was said, but obviously the man was dissatisfied and he was in full-rant mode. It was like watching Mount St. Helens explode.
I am not going to take this bulldozer approach, even if they never switch my car, I thought.
“This car I got didn’t have cruise control. If I could, I’d like to switch it for one that does. Sorry, I didn’t check that before I left,” I said to the attendant.
“I’ll look and see if we have one available with cruise,” he said.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
“No problem. Have a good trip.”
Without bursting one blood vessel, I was able to get a car with cruise control and have a fun trip to LA.
In fairness to the guy who blew his top, he was probably already having a bad day, even before the rental car meltdown. We’ve all been there. We have days where if one more person tries to take advantage of us, it pushes us over the edge, like Billy Jack.
I try to avoid that explosive situation by keeping in mind my long-term goals.
In the back of my mind, my objective is to make friends with the counter attendant, and beyond that, to win them over to my way of thinking with friendliness and reason. I believe that life is inherently fair and if I calmly explain the problem, the attendant will see the light.
To see it from the attendant’s position, nine times out of ten, the staff person is only following the company policy.
As Abraham Lincoln said,
“A drop of honey that catches one’s heart, when once gained, you will find little trouble in convincing their judgement of the justice of your cause.”
Lincoln’s approach seems a bit more practical to me than Donald Trump’s.
Authors note:
These stories are my attempt to glean insights from the seemingly mundane incidents that occur in every day life. My plan is to capture these “eureka moments” and squeeze all the illumination and inspiration from them, before they can slip through my fingers.
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Upcoming Presentations